How to Avoid Arguments with Family and Friends

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There is this question that I ask myself all the time that helps me avoid so much chaos. Now, before we get to that question, I wanna talk about some of these chaotic situations that this question could help us avoid. So if you look at life, you know, any single day, there could be any amount of obstacles or any amount of possibilities that could lead us down a road to arguments, to unneeded disputes, to, you know, somebody gossiping with you. And you have the choice to either change the subject or gossip back. Or somebody complains about something that they probably shouldn’t be complaining about. 


You have the option to either, you know, feed that energy or walk away from that energy and change the subject. At the end of the day, there are so many things that we could avoid by asking ourselves one simple question. So before we get to that question, let me also say that if we’re talking about an argument here or a dispute, first and foremost, we need to understand that, you know, some arguments are worth having, some disputes are worth having, some disagreements are worth having, but the thing is there are also so many needless arguments, there are so many needless disputes. 


And the main reason for the dispute or the argument to happen is because one person wants to prove the other person wrong. And you gotta ask yourself, before you jump into those kinds of arguments, ask yourself a question. By the way, this is not the main question this video’s about, but ask yourself a question. Am I entering this argument, am I entering this dispute, this disagreement, just because I want to prove the other person wrong, or am I doing it for the right reasons? Do I want to educate somebody in a civilized way, a rational way, of something that they’re not aware of? So we got to ask ourselves, why are we entering this debate or dispute or disagreement or argument? What’s the reason behind it? 


We always need to consider why we’re doing it because most of the time, if you look deep inside, most of the time, well, at least a lot of the time, people enter arguments just to prove the other person wrong because the ego inflates whenwe prove another person wrong or we somehow prove that we know something that they don’t. So first and foremost, when that happens, our ego inflates. Usually, the other person’s inflates as well because it’s kind of like this energy. And when you feed them, you usually get back the same kind of energy you feed them. It’s kind of like in hockey. If you’re playing badminton and somebody’s poking at you, or let’s say you’re poking at somebody, really irritating somebody, what’s usually, what typically going to happen? They’re gonna poke back, they’re gonna get angry, they’re gonna get frustrated, they’re gonna get mad. You know, they’re not going to turn around and give you a high five. They’re usually gonna match you with the same kind of energy. So it’s the same thing with an argument, same thing with a debate. Usually, they match you with the same kind of energy. 


So if you go into the argument or the dispute rationally, in a civilized way, different story. If you’re going in there to help educate them in a rational, civilized way and show them something that they’re not aware of, and you’re not just going in to prove them wrong and to prove yourself right, maybe that’s an argument worth having. Or if you know, if you know that stepping into that argument, it is for the betterment of that person or the betterment of somebody, I’ll give you an example. Let’s say if a family member walked in and if their arm was bleeding and you said, “You got to get down to the doctor right now.” And they’re like, “No, no, no, I gotta go to work.” And you’re like, “No, you gotta get down to the doctor. You gotta allow a nurse to take care of you. You need to get stitches.” That’s probably an argument worth having because it’s for the betterment of them. But so many arguments, they just happen because the ego wants that win because when the ego wins, it inflates, it grows. You’re feeding it. And some arguments are totally necessary. Some disputes are totally necessary, but when you’re entering that kind of dispute or argument just to win, you’re going to inflate the ego, most likely inflate the ego of the person you’re arguing with, and it’s just gonna be that kind of energy exchanged back and forth. So what is the question that can get you out of so many needless arguments, that can get you out of so many needless disputes, can get you out of so much negative energy? So before you enter an unneeded argument, an unneeded dispute, if somebody gossips to you, you know, ask yourself this question. It’s just one question, and I’m telling you, I ask myself this question all the time. 


No matter what the situation is if you can go down this road or go down this road, ask yourself this question. Is going down this path when you know it’s gonna bring back discomfort, it’s going to bring back tenseness, it’s gonna bring back, you know, arguing between you and whoever the other person is, or it’s gonna bring, you know, awkward moments or awkward silence if you get into an argument or a heated debate and nobody prove themselves right or wrong, you know, you’re just at each other, and you need to spend the entire day with them. It could be a lot of awkward silence. This is the question. Is going down this path, whatever the behaviour is, whether it’s continuing the argument, continuing the dispute, feeding the person energy who’s gossiping, you know, feeding the person energy who’s needlessly complaining about something. 


The question is, is going down this path, whatever that path is, feeding the energy to somebody who is gossiping to you, entering a needless argument, by needless I mean it doesn’t matter who’s right or who’s wrong. You know, if somebody complaining to you, you know, going down the path could mean complaining back to them for no reason. 


Sometimes it’s okay to complain. Sometimes it’s good. But no matter what that path is, if it’s an unneeded path at the time, the question is, is going down this path worth my peace of mind? Now, sometimes it is. Sometimes it is, and that’s okay. But my point is when you don’t have to go down that path when it’s an unneeded argument, an unneeded dispute, when you just wanna be right about something, when you just want to prove somebody wrong, typically that’s not needed. It’s just a way to inflate the ego. 


Ask yourself this question, and get used to asking yourself this question: is going down this path worth my peace of mind? And I think most times… That’s not a theoretical question, by the way. Literally, ask yourself before you engage in that. If you’re in a room, if you’re around a dinner table, and somebody brings up a very controversial topic, and they ask your opinion on it and you vehemently disagree with them, take a second. It just takes a second. Ask yourself in your mind, is this worth it? I know my opinion is gonna rile them up. Is it worth it? Is it worth my peace of mind? What’re the next 24 hours gonna look like if I come out and say that no, I completely disagree with you? What’s it gonna look like? How am I gonna feel? Is it gonna disrupt my day? Is it gonna disrupt their day? You know, get used to asking yourself that question: is going down this path worth my peace of mind? And once you get good at asking yourself this question, I think that most times that answer will be it’s not worth it, it’s not worth it. Sometimes it may be, but I think most times it won’t be.

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Sarita D

After a successful career in the fin-tech sector, Sarita is now back to navigating life and stories in India. Passionate about food, mental health, and other social issues.


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